“they flutter down from the sky, getting caught in your eyelashes.”
I was so intensely self-hating of my “female” body and its “female” functions. I couldn’t even look at my junk until half a year after I started having consensual sex. It took me forever to work up to vaginal sex. I never sat down and examined my goods until early this winter and I needed to get stoned to be able to do that. I can’t touch myself sexually still.
I learned to teach people about their vaginas and talk about body positivity in volunteer centers without practicing that information on myself. Learning to actually love my body as a transgender man is a way that I am unlearning my misogyny towards other women. No, I am not a perfect unsexist person but I am trying my best. Growing into a man after starting my transition as a boy, I’ve had to examine my privilege and look at all the hate I’ve expressed toward femaleness or being perceived as female or the intensity I’ve wished to not be female and question my reliance on making traditionally considered female things negative or undesirable or uncomfortable or distressing. I’ve had to unlearn and question why there was a transmale community that would easily and so readily echo these feelings back at me.
Now, between demands & entitlements to women’s space and blatant misogyny, it’s really hard for me to want to be in “FTM” spaces. At least I have this bomb-ass cunt to appreciate in my self-exile.
(Source: chibambo)
